1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life—the circumstance of the event.
I knew my husband was gay. He wouldn’t admit it, but it had become clear to me—and I wouldn’t trust my intuition. What would happen if I brought it forward? Took a stand? I was a stay-at-home mom and had no idea how I could support my family on a tiny little island. If it is to be, it is up to me. I took a brave step and asked him to choose. He had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital.
He chose David.
It was heartbreaking. However, I knew I could no longer live the lie. I had to put embarrassment, humiliation, failure—all of that—behind me and stand tall for my kids and myself. It wasn’t about blaming; it was the truth setting us both free.
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
First, I had to be honest with myself. I picked up a book at a library sale. It was humor—and I needed a little of that in my life. Three kids and 14 years of marriage, knowing things were going to have to change, and I didn’t think I was brave enough. The book was funny—meant to make us laugh—but it was a parent’s guide to discovering your child is gay. This was in the early '90s.
When I started reading the book and realized what it was about, I just kept saying, “NO, NO—this is not the way I planned it.”
It was time for me to take a stand and say what I wanted and needed—and it was terrifying.
We lived in a small community, so there was no doing this without people knowing.
I had a friend call me and say she had been in the hair salon where my husband worked, and she was pretty sure he was having an affair with a man. I said, “I KNOW,” but I couldn’t tell anyone.
I was really scared—there was no book, no internet, no instruction on how to walk forward in this situation.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
Once the cat was out of the bag that “I knew,” I had to take a stand—and he left.
In my heart of hearts, I was hoping he would find a way to stay.
I felt so scared and alone, and I knew he wouldn’t be able to support two households—so how would I support my kids?
I was told to get a job, but I had a very difficult youngest child, and we had not been successful with babysitters. I chose not to go to work—yet.
The consensus was that I was lazy or crazy. I didn’t have parents to help, and I was really on my own.
I stood my ground, and a friend said, “I have a friend at the Bible camp—shall I ask if you could park a camper there for a while?”
That was the last thing I wanted to do—but when push came to shove, I said, “Yes, please.”
It was a way I could be with my kids, work at the camp, and heal. For the boys, it was a miracle. For my 12-year-old daughter—not so much. It was embarrassing to live in a camper, even if it was on an amazing lakeside property.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
My husband had suffered a traumatic head injury several years before we separated.
So things had been hard—with him not working, and when I tried to work, I couldn’t leave our kids alone with him. Doctor’s orders—due to said brain injury.
So things for us had changed drastically. This is why I said I knew for a while but didn’t feel I could do anything.
I felt hopeless and helpless.
I had started a gratitude journal shortly after the head injury because it was so easy to go to a place of hopelessness.
We got along, we were raising our kids, but we were living a lie. It was getting harder and harder for him to pull off a double life.
I had big plans to become a life coach so I could work from home—which wasn’t really a thing back then, before the internet.
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
I didn't believe in myself. In fact, I had no self-love or self-care. I went to coaching school, and they talked about self-care. HA! How ridiculous, I thought. But I respected these ladies and committed to “give it a try,” knowing full well it was selfish and not right.
Within weeks of learning that I mattered and finding ways to love myself, the marriage began to dissolve—because it wasn’t just him living a double life; I was living a lie too.
I had not started the coaching business, and I blamed him. In fact, I blamed him for a lot of things. But when the house of cards collapsed, I realized I am the one who has to make things happen. I could blame others, but when I took responsibility for what was mine, I had to make some changes.
I found a place we could rent, and I would be the farm caretaker. I found a job I could do from home on my phone, and I stayed available to my kids.
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
The hardest thing was living on an island. The kids didn’t want to move and be away from their dad—they needed their dad. So I had to find a way to make it work while being solely responsible for the kids and their needs.
He was self-employed, so child support wasn’t much, and he was so caught up in his new relationship he couldn’t bother with helping us out.
The biggest challenge was facing my community. I would try to go to the store for milk, and people would give me the saddest looks. Or worse yet, they would pat me on the back and say, “I always knew he was gay.” Oh, thanks.
It was hard to hold my head up and not feel like that single mom.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
My turning point came later, when the kids had graduated, and I left the island. None of my new co-workers or friends knew my story. I was just me—not the dummy who fell for a gay guy.
I realized, once I had distance from the community that had supported me so well, that I had also felt (they didn’t make me, I just felt) judged. I thought I had blown it and that my life was over.
That’s when I took the reins, got back into radio, and realized I had done a very brave thing—staying in the community for my kids’ sake and putting my dreams on hold until they had finished school.
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
When I told a friend I was still grieving the loss of my dream, she said, “Of course you are.”
When I called another friend after he had stopped by to say he never loved me, she came over, got me a glass of water, let me blubber, and said nothing—she just stayed.
I knew I could go on the Christian speaking tour to make money and would be embraced, but I didn’t want my kids to experience their dad being judged or demonized—remember, this was the early '90s.
I had friends and family who loved me. When I decided to get back into radio, I tried so hard, applying everywhere, and my co-workers were supporting me.
When I got my final rejection, I said, “I’m done.”
I called my co-workers—because we were now in different buildings—and I had to meet the Big Brothers Big Sisters (my job at the time) in their area.
I said, “Hey, I’m really sad. I didn’t get the job, but I wanted to tell you so you don’t ask me in front of the kids—because I don’t want to cry.”
I get to the center, and when I walk in, there’s red construction paper rolled out like a carpet, some glitter, and all I could think was, “I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to get these jobs, I’ve forgotten someone’s birthday.”
I felt terrible and ran to the back room to apologize—and they all jumped up and said, “Surprise!!! It’s a pity party for you!!!”
After that, I tried again—and got my job in radio.
9. How did this experience change the way you see yourself, and what did it teach you about courage? How do you now define courage?
I felt like a pioneer, so I thought, I want to write a book about being a single parent and how to survive and thrive. I was able to see that maybe my story could help others too.
What I realized about courage is that it’s just taking one step—then another.
I define courage as trusting my intuition, knowing what I know, and then trusting that the answers and next steps will come—probably slower than I would like.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
I am very passionate about telling our stories in a way that takes responsibility for the outcome.
Meaning—someone else could do the same thing and have different results. It’s not that our story is the only way, but it is an experience.
Although different from someone else’s, it’s just that—a story—and I hope it offers more hope than advice.
I wanted to know I wasn’t alone. But living on a little island before the internet, I thought I was the only one.
I didn’t wish this on anyone, but if it happened to someone, I really wanted to know.
So I put out the thing I needed.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
I don’t think I would have pursued my radio career if we had just kept pretending. I see myself living a very different life.
I chose to stay single until my kids were raised, after a brief and scary second marriage.
I have loved being single, and I love my life—what I do and how I help and support others.
I’m so grateful I learned about self-love. I had no idea I was drowning in self-loathing.
For me, finding myself, speaking my truth, and walking through it in a loving way with my kids—honoring their dad and family—has been a very healthy (hard, but healthy) thing to do.
12. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
I don’t see them as regrets. As a survivor of childhood abuse, I realize these things were not meant to be—but they happened.
It is my responsibility to do my part in healing and moving on to have the beautiful life that was always intended for me.
13. What would you say to a woman who’s standing where you once stood—afraid, unsure, or facing a similar challenge?
Find your people. Find the one or two you can vent with—but don’t overshare while you’re walking through it, especially on social media. It will follow you.
I was very specific about not talking badly about the kids’ dad in front of them—or even near them, no matter what.
If I needed to vent, I would go for a car ride with a friend so no one could hear me.
I waited until I had recovered my broken heart before I wrote my book, because I wanted my story to help others—not prove my point or trash anyone.
It wasn’t about being right. It was about a journey.
14. How are you celebrating the woman you’ve become?
It is an ongoing process.
As I age, I am finding new things.
I celebrated that I worked in radio and found my path and my dream. Then I lost it—and was surprised to realize that didn’t define me.
Now, I’m loving my new work-at-home role in the 7 Day Podcast Pro Program, helping women tell their stories with grace.
Laurie is a Seattle radio personality, a single mom, and Grandma La La to six beautiful grandchildren. She loves swimming, reading, riding horses, gardening, and podcasting.
Website/Link You’d Like Shared
www.coachlaurie.com
Interrupted Act 2: Reinventing Your Legacy